Sunday, April 20, 2008

Relationships and Hardships

I wish I could know what a relationship is supposed to be. Can anyone even explain it? Can we actually speak of beautiful and perfect relationships? I can say, I have an amazing relationship with my mother. I can't say same thing of my father, but I still love him - a lot.

But outside of family what the hell is it? Is it miscommunication between friends, or a disagreement between husband and wife? Or maybe just boyfriends arguing with each other! That's all I've always known of it to be . . . I wish I could really speak or write for that matter of what I feel about it. But still who cares? Who even cares to know what I even write in here. The only person who reads this is my roommate. I'm his shadow at home, outside, everywhere we go. He makes sure I have everything in place, including this blow sucking English. I need to thank him for all his support. I can't stress that enough.

The only relationship I still can count on is the one with God. I know He'll never fail. My only concern is for me not to screw up with Him, and that's one less problem to deal with on His faithfulness.

I hear many people talking about on believing in themselves, be self centered, self esteemed, and this will cause to bring power unto you. The only part I agree is that we really must love ourselves, take care of ourselves, give yourself be best treatment. But once we become self centered and feel too powerful, that will bring us down and destroy relationships. I've tried that. It doesn't work. I can't do it all, no, not by myself. I'm not God, Superman, or Batman.

But then . . . relationships. How long do they last? Does it depend on us? Do we have to be alike so we can fit a a marriage? Perhaps, adjust, learn how to live with the habits of that person. But how do you get it going, when you want to pull to the right and the other to left. One will fall, and when that happens, that's it.

I've had a girlfriend who only lasted two weeks, because she was too controlling.

The second girlfriend, I left her because she was to picky and exygent.

The third, I even married, but her mind was too closed to understand our living circumstances and I couldn't offer everything she wanted. She left me 5 times in the space of two years.

Was I too hard to handle? Because I watched movies, or TV? She expected me to pick her up at the train station on a rainy day. Her father did. She counted on me. She expected me to do it. Was I so wrong of not thinking of that? I didn't even have a car.

I tried to fix it and put ban days, but the damage was there already.

My fourth relationship I can't even say of it, or what to call it.

I wish I could make the world understand me. I wish I could let people enter in my mind and see, who I really am. To see the things unspoken, that I can't speak of.

I avoid the talk. It raises questions. Questions demand an answer, and the answer, if it's wrong will make us pay for it. Is saying no all the time really the solution? Or is it best keep saying yes and continue life as it is? I rather not say, and let God lead the way. He gave me His Spirit. It's like the wind that blows and we don't know where it comes from and where it goes. I'm letting the Spirit take me wherever He wants me to be.

I hope He'll bless me with the right relationships and perhaps fix the current ones and make them stronger, because . . . I'm letting it go into His mighty hands.

Friday, April 11, 2008

My First Miracle Performed In New York

Many people ask if miracles are still possible. If there are men who actually perform incredible things before the eyes of people. I know I have during my time as an Assistant Pastor. God knows how much I miss seeing people relieved from their pain, see the smile of a lady who fought for years to buy a house and bringing a testimony saying she bought it when I prophesied it to her.

It was in 1999, and as I walked down Fulton Street in Brooklyn back to the church coming from the supermarket, I saw this man struggling with his white car. It was a very old one. A white Oldsmobile I think. The man, a forty something years old with mustache, has his sleeve rolled up, the hood popped up and hands dirty from trying to make his car start. I walked by and I looked. I didn't want to stop, but it must have been God who told me, "Look, put me to test. Let me show you I am with you." I knew, the name and the honor of God can never be frustrated and I thought back to Him, "What do I have to lose? If You embarrass me, You'll be too."

I walked back to the car and I asked, "What's going on with the car?"
The tired man answered, "I really don't know. I'm here trying to start it for over an hour and I don't know what to do anymore."

When power rises in my heart I cry. I knew that was the time.

"Sir, do you believe in God? Do you believe He can make it work." I asked.
I knew the doubt in his heart was stronger than any belief. But I was believing for him?
"I think so." He said.
I laid my hands on the wet car from the rain pouring upon us. I said, "Lord in the name of Jesus, if there is any demon or any evil kind in this car remove it and destroy it. Touch this car, and with your mighty power make it work. Let your name be glorified, I pray, and I command all evil to GET OUT in Jesus name. Amen." I flanged my hand out as if expelling something with my hands.

I didn't know what the heck I was doing exactly. I've prayed for people to be healed, but for cars to be fixed was new to me. But God knew what He was doing.

I told him to start the car. He said, "okay" like a singing doubt.

What if the car didn't start? But because God is great, He never fails those who proclaim His name.

The man turned the ignition. The engine didn't even drag. The engine started immediately as if there never was a problem. The man was speechless.

"I. . . I, don't know how you . . . I'm surprised. It was dead!"
"Thank to the Lord Jesus. He was the One who blessed you.

I walked back to the church and I forgot this episode until today, 9 years later. I know He wants to use me. I'm not gonna say no to Him anymore. I'm just make it happen for Him. I know He'll make it happen for me as well.

May God bless us all.