Saturday, April 01, 2006


Some times I fear my own life. I hear so many truths, so many helps. I've been advised too many times in church, and where those advises took me is where I am now. It begins with a marriage that ended up in anything but crap.

Even now, outside of church and with no apparent reconciliation with the wife, (not that I expect any) both still seem to take over my life as if it is not my own. I depend on both for two personal reasons. If one falls apart, I'll be screwed either way.

I keep on frustrating my best friend who wishes the best for me, and I know I could do anything I want with my life and move in with him and live cheaper and freer, and cared.

Why is it so hard for them to understand that I'm making a new decision to benefit me and another person?

I live continuously in fear. Sometimes I don't know what each day will bring me.

I wish I could disappear, help others forget that I exist, and then return to start over again.

Today I pray, that God may help me to be strong, to be free, and INDEPENDENT.