Monday, June 15, 2009

Is My Mother Still Around?

Is my mother still around?
When I was a kid I learned spirits of people wonder around finding rest and a place to stay. When I learned the Biblical way, people die and either go to eternal rest or to hell. It’s not the first time I’ve seen and heard things being moving and they were not even there. We’ve associated these to demons, evil spirits who pretend to be a loved one or just haunt a home to make the residents miserable.
I am in the favor that the souls of people do not return to earth once they die. The Bible states that “it is pointed to men to live once and after that judgment.” And Jesus in his parable said to the rich man who saw Lazarus in peace that no one will believe even if God sent a dead person to appear to the living. In other words God will not send the spirit of a dead person to earth to talk to someone. But my question is: how long will it take until the soul goes to the other side either to paradise or to hell?
With the last events of my life I’ve been experiencing the weirdest stuff in the past few days. If you read my last blog, my mother died two weeks ago. Even though no one wants to think a loved one is lost in the depths of hell, it could be a possibility, but I know my mother is saved and in peace with God. She was a very holy woman and loved God with all her heart and she avoided sin at all costs. Why he let her die I believe He has his reasons.
The night before I buried my mom and cried a lot looking at the computer picture I have of her, and prayed that God would give me one more chance to tell her how much I loved her.
When I arrived home after the burial I felt a calm presence, a feeling that someone was still there and looking at me. I thought it to be my mind only. But I walked past my mother’s room three times and the third it was stronger. I grew a fear inside of me because of the unknown. Maybe God granted me the request or maybe I’m just crazy. I held onto my chest the picture frame they used on her casket and I said loud, “Mom I love you, go in peace. I’ll meet you in heaven someday.”
After I said that the presence was gone. Was it my mother? It was weird. It felt good though, I felt happy. I recovered faster after that. A man at church, an old brother is Christ and father in faith confirmed with me that usually souls of people wonder around seeing everything that goes around until they are buried and the angels or demons come to pick them up. Of course I can’t rely on one’s stories. After all a witch of Endor in the Bible brought up the spirit of Samuel to tell Saul he was going die next day in Battle. Was it a demon or the actual Prophet Samuel? She was not a woman of God rather than a Satan worshiper.
What to believe?
For the past few days when I wake up I hear someone breathing like connected to a machine in the room from where I am. When I get there the noise is coming from there but it’s not there. My mom was breathing with oxygen mask the last few days she was alive. Is it that I’m supposed to hear? Maybe she or God wants to give me the opportunity to see what she was going through?
My mother couldn’t see, but my family often spoke loud she was going to die. Tears rolled down her face, so I hear from people who loved her to their souls. One day God will make them hear worse in a worse a situation. They will see how that feels. They often told her I was coming and if she wanted to see me. She would say yes, but the last thing she said was, “I’m not going to see him.” And so it was.
Today June 15, 2009, as I took a shower my father was at work and I was alone and door shut, I heard a few noises in among the ventilation noise of the bathroom’s ceiling. The shower was feeling relaxing but snapping noises was filling the corridor. I heard like someone saying something in the living room. The TV was on but not loud enough to hear it. That voice was distinct. I took a deep breath and walked naked to the window and looked at the gate which was still locked. When I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich, for my surprise, the front door was opened. I know I literally closed it, but is there something or someone trying to tell me something now? Is my mother still around, or some evil spirit taking advantage of the situation, or perhaps all these things are driving me crazy and I need to move on? Maybe the last two I should believe but I hope to find an answer from God somehow. He knows something I don’t.

My mother died and senseless family around

My mother died but family more concerned with anything else.
It is now two weeks since my mother died. I flew from New York to Spain, Madrid only to wait five long hours for the next shuttle plane to Oporto, Portugal. My father sent me $1300 to get an emergency flight to Portugal to see my mother who was dying of an evil spread of tumor roots. Even though she took all tests and treatments the doctors hid from my mother and only told my uncles and aunts she wouldn’t live more than a year or perhaps a little longer. A year ago I traveled back to see her and find her in great health and happiness. We all thought she would make it. We were all in prayers and the pastors with the congregation, but God, I guess he had other plans for her. Ever since she gave her life to God she has been wanting to go to heaven. But she had lots of dreams and had a great desire to live. She fulfilled most of her dreams including buying the brand new car my father now drives and getting her retirement, which was really large to live happy the rest of her life. She’s worked all her entire life to get her benefits and she was unable to enjoy it.
I don’t know if God has a greater reward of her sacrifice in life but I do believe she’ll be fine.
I received the call from my brother in Spain still expecting at least to look into her eyes and tell her how much I loved her. He said “Do you already know?”
“I know what?” My heart already knew she was gone.
“Mom died.”
I froze entirely. My tears rolled over my face. I looked at the cloudy sky at the airport imagining my mom might be in there somewhere.
When I arrived in Portugal and saw my mother already in a casket all yellow and still I exploded in tears hold on to my father. My aunts cried along with me just before I had the strength to kiss everyone. I was angry at everything, at myself for not being there all the time, for her being so yellow because of the medicine she had to take and the crucifix they put in the hands of my mother – something she hated in life when she learned the truth about being a Christian. My father was angry too but we were helpless to have them remove any catholic rituals. We didn’t want to create any conflicts. They wanted to be respected but didn’t want t respect our ideals nevertheless my mom’s, just because she was being buried with my grandmother in her grave of the Catholic Church. Not even a priest had the time to attend the mass but then he resolved to help the helpless family. He was so much in a hurry he did it mechanically. What was the point? My aunt asked if I like the mass, what I thought about it. “It was . . . interesting!” I said.
It was the greatest shock of my life. It impacted me to see my mother being lowered to the grave and banged fit into a hole right under the ground.
Her sisters screamed of pain and everyone started to cry. But even then, my uncles started to talk with the cemetery men who were burying my mother how the grave needed to be fixed and enlarged. They needed to put walls further back. The casket was still being lowered manually and earth was being thrown on top of it and they were talking about reconstruction!! They could wait until all was done. I wanted to tell them to shut the f..k up really loud! People without respect and no feelings. When they die, I’m gonna talk about reconstruction too! They even had to talk about hole in the ground. It was going to rain that day and water was going to fall inside the grave. What to say about this. What a horrible day in all senses. I cried all night looking at my mother pictures.
I love you mom!