It's Today One Year Ago My Mom Died.

Well deep in my subconscience I knew something was different today. As I cooked the dates recalled in my mind. My mother passed away today a year ago. It was a Wednesday. She was very ill and as I flew overseas to go see her and landed in Spain for transfer is when my brother called to tell me what I already knew.

"Mom died."

I looked at the skyview of the airport and wondering if she was there looking at me smiling and trying to hug me while I was there sitting on a chair almost frozen in time.

I'd like to believe she is still around helping me around, but this world already gave her so much to work for, I think she now needs her real rest in Paradise with Jesus her Lord whom she loved all her life. I rather know she's there with Him and one day we'll meet again in a better place.
I miss my mother a lot, but I guess she knows that wherever she is. I haven't looked at her photo ever since I returned. So I decided to post it today.

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To apply you need to send your information and headshot. We will meet personally prior to start working. If you're not in NYC we've schedule a meeting through the internet. You will receive a contract agreement and will be paid with a check. 1099 form will follow at the end of the fiscal year.

Check us online at www.edgentertainment.net

Having Nothing To Write

Isn't it annoying when you feel like writing something creative but then when the blank screen opens you don't know where even to start from?

I feel often that way. It is so hard to convince people to read what we write, even if you're an artist, who'll see your creativity. What happens even if you've post a thosand ads on free posting websites like  the annoying cragislist and it's hundred timer security word typing and phone verification crap? Oh damn, I have a multiple accounts with craigslist, but I can only use the cellphone number once in only in one of them. I have to buy three more phones with different numbers so I can post on the stupid website;  oh, yeah, and backpage and it readless customers.

And of course, then we have the competitors who are often not nice especially to what comes to online marketing - refering to the "flaggers." They're never too happy to see someone progressing.

This makes me feel like not trying. It's like bouncing a ball against a wall. I hope it collapes soon.

What can I write about on my blog other than blogging about not blogging? I'm annoyed!

Still Thinking Of My Mom

My mother passed away last May, and I still have the sense that she is still alive. Often times I feel like calling home and just seat there with my cellphone listening to her voice. It troubles me to know that my dad is actually by himself in Portugal, in our little town of Esmoriz. I still expect to hear the phone ringing and hear her voice shouting with enthusiasm: "O MEU FILHO QUERIDO!". But I don't hear that anymore. Where are her sweet words? Where is her attention and caring? Where is her dedication and most of all her prayers? I beleive non of her prayers have been answered, and I know she died too soon so see them all coming true. All I hope is that at least she can see me from up there and if not, that God grants her the news about me, but I hope He omits the bad parts.

I have hope that one day I'll meet her again. It's a small trip one day we all have to take, and there is no choice other than just let it go. We may not wish it, but it will come for us, so we meet those we love, long gone on the other side.

I still haven't had the courange to open up her picture I shot in my 2008 trip to Portugal or even look at it up to today. I afraid of crying and feel emotionally sick again. I cried over it all night the day she died. I didn't want it to be a piture. I wanted it to be my physical mother, to hug her, and cuddle beside her like I used to do when I was still a young kid.

I still blame myslelf for her death. I wonder if I never left home thirteen years ago and stayed with my mom, my brother would have never slept in my room, there would never be argument over dirty sheets, neverthless she would be sick, because I would have encouraged her to take that awfull operation to her intestines and remove the inital polips hanging around there.

I came to New York and stayed to have a better life but in spite of conquering the blessings that God and this country has to offer, I lost my family, their love and attention.

I miss my mother a lot. I miss her so much, that even the bad moments are blocked by this dense foggy cloud. I refuse to think about them. They don't matter anymore. She only matters to me. Hoping she is okay, and longing to see her again.

To my mom with love.

Visions 2 - New York

Very simple. In 1998 I just knew that My bishop of the church would tell me to come to New York. From every country in the world that speaks English I just knew New York would be my new home for many years.

While in tribulation in Portugal, many times wanted to leave and get a real life. But God kept telling me: "New York, You're going to New York. Hang on." One way I didn't want to leave and leave my parents by myself, in other hand I wanted to serve God, and He kept saying: "I'm going to use you a lot." But deep inside of me, I knew that He would not use me as a pastor for long. He had other plans.

In 1999 I was sent to New York just as I was told, and became an assistant pastor. For five years I knew it was not my call. There was something else. I'm not a pastor now. I left in 2004. Got married, and had a vision of a bright colored car and white colored house. I said that to my wife back then. No one believed me. On that same day on Times Square God had told me great things I still can't reveal. But I do have now a bright colored car - A bright silver Nissan Altima. And I'm already looking for a house to park it. I have no money and don't know how I'll get it. He's shown me He doesn't fail with His promises. I know He's working on it. I'm divorced now but I'm feeling something big is just about to happen.

Vision 1 - Jesus Descending

I was reading my Bible back in 1993 when suddenly my brain shut down to thephysical world. It was as if I was dreaming, but I was awake. I so much in love with Jesus. Christian stuff was all new to me. I wanted to learn and get to know Him personally. Nothing was going to impede that from happening. And when I was still reading in the office of the shoestore I worked for, Jesus descended from Heaven very slouly with flying beings around Him. There clouds of every color, such like a picture around the light There was such a beautiful light composed by colors that are non existent in this world. The colors like light pink, red, green and yellow difused within themselves and had a very bright light and they moved in ray strings. They circulated around Jesus as He descended. He was wearing the beautiful white dress, that was not a dress. It was more like a complete celestial suit with a dark belt around His waist.

It felt as if the world disappeared and I was standing on the ground of a high rock, because I could see him at the same level I was while He descended. I wasn't alone, but I couldn't see anyone but me.

When He was about to get closer to me my boss called me and that's when I came back to me and I was holding the Bible on Matthew chapter 25. I felt like I was dragged down from a higher place. I felt imcomplete. Up to today, I'm still hoping that God completes it so I can see what happens next.

Visions

What to make of visons that I've been hidding for years? I see them coming and I see them happening. I've asked three gifts. I wanted to heal, so I could make people happy and remove their pain. I wanted to sing so demons would leave disturbed hearts and minds in peace, and it works. I asked to be talked to when He wanted, everyday He does. And I asked to receive visions, because I wanted to warn people and see more than anyone else could see. I'm not Jesus, or Peter, or any other prophet in the Bible. But why me? Trully this site talks about movies and photography. But isn't it about vision as well. God puts images and pictures in my mind and heart, but this film is for real. It's a reality show before it's thought.

It is scary not to be able to tell others the bad news, especially when they're about me. I'm not Miss Dubois, and I don't see ghosts either. I can see a realm that is beyond our imagination. Mostly when I'm feeling closer to Him, it's as if I'm walking in the Earth temporarily. I'm about to leave. But I have to come down to my reality and know, that I'm driving, working and gosh, my feet hurt from standing.

When I preach on Sundays, I never prepare a sermon. But as soon as my hands leave the keyboard, my mind still wonders how I played without knowing a single note, I go toward the pulpit and my mouth speaks even to myself. God speaks through me to others, and sometimes through me at me. I see hell, I see heaven, I see the rapture, I see the end, I see hope in the future and I see blessings for other's and me.

And what I see as part of a warning, can it be avoided? If it's good, how to let it happen?

I don't like it when I don't see visions. It's like a senseis missing. It already makes part of me. I don't always dream about them. I'm always awake. I hear His voice saying: "Go, I'll be with you." not because I read it in the Bible. It really resonates within me. Sometimes I feel like Jesus. "Don't touch me, for I have not accended to my father yet." Sometimes I feel so "elevated" that I don't wanna talk or be touched by anyone until the light sinks in. It's another gift everytime I get it. But I'm such a sinner. It makes me feel disgusted with myslelf. But maybe God is just giving an new opportunity. The race is long, and if I stop I can't finish it. These gifts lift me up and it's an armor to overcome my last weakness. I understand it now. I asked Him: "Make mestronger with my weaknesses." So when I fall in them, I'm only getting stronger each time.

God, I love what you do to me, and I love what you show me. Thank you.

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC

Confessions of a Shopaholic is a thoughtful film good for compulsive buyers. Directed by P.J. Hogan, Writen by Tracey Jackson, Tim Firth, Kayla Alpert, and Produced by our favorite Jerry Bruckheimer (CSI TV series, among many others) and they tell the story of a young woman that since her young life all she wanted was that little credit - the dream of buying without money. But when things begin to fall apart, Isla Fisher as Rebecca Bloomwood, begins to feel the sting of her shopping sprees. When she finds an opportunity to work with handsome Hugh Dancy as Luke Brandon she feels closer to the opportunity to work to her dream magazine. But she faces the challenge of an annoying wanna be sexy long legged French model who thinks she has all that she gets. Bloomwood's debts start to hunt and suffocating her life through a debt collector who stalks bloomwood until she pays every penny - litterally.


Fun to watch, entertaining all the time. Good for women to watch, but come on guys, this can be usefull for us as well. We can't stop buying gadgets for our rooms and cars. I think the film was well executed and brough up all the points into the story. What others said to be a cheesy film, i thought it was rather was wondefully done, coloful and filled with feeling. Love cleared the heart of a shopaholic. My favorite line in the film when Bloomwood was trying to buy 73 hot dogs to get change to buy an $175 green scarf, which led to main theme of the story, (The Girl in the Green Scarf) made me think it's true. Brandon pays the $20 for her one hotdog ans she is in shock. "The cost is different from what it is worth. They're two different things."

Is My Mother Still Around?

Is my mother still around?
When I was a kid I learned spirits of people wonder around finding rest and a place to stay. When I learned the Biblical way, people die and either go to eternal rest or to hell. It’s not the first time I’ve seen and heard things being moving and they were not even there. We’ve associated these to demons, evil spirits who pretend to be a loved one or just haunt a home to make the residents miserable.
I am in the favor that the souls of people do not return to earth once they die. The Bible states that “it is pointed to men to live once and after that judgment.” And Jesus in his parable said to the rich man who saw Lazarus in peace that no one will believe even if God sent a dead person to appear to the living. In other words God will not send the spirit of a dead person to earth to talk to someone. But my question is: how long will it take until the soul goes to the other side either to paradise or to hell?
With the last events of my life I’ve been experiencing the weirdest stuff in the past few days. If you read my last blog, my mother died two weeks ago. Even though no one wants to think a loved one is lost in the depths of hell, it could be a possibility, but I know my mother is saved and in peace with God. She was a very holy woman and loved God with all her heart and she avoided sin at all costs. Why he let her die I believe He has his reasons.
The night before I buried my mom and cried a lot looking at the computer picture I have of her, and prayed that God would give me one more chance to tell her how much I loved her.
When I arrived home after the burial I felt a calm presence, a feeling that someone was still there and looking at me. I thought it to be my mind only. But I walked past my mother’s room three times and the third it was stronger. I grew a fear inside of me because of the unknown. Maybe God granted me the request or maybe I’m just crazy. I held onto my chest the picture frame they used on her casket and I said loud, “Mom I love you, go in peace. I’ll meet you in heaven someday.”
After I said that the presence was gone. Was it my mother? It was weird. It felt good though, I felt happy. I recovered faster after that. A man at church, an old brother is Christ and father in faith confirmed with me that usually souls of people wonder around seeing everything that goes around until they are buried and the angels or demons come to pick them up. Of course I can’t rely on one’s stories. After all a witch of Endor in the Bible brought up the spirit of Samuel to tell Saul he was going die next day in Battle. Was it a demon or the actual Prophet Samuel? She was not a woman of God rather than a Satan worshiper.
What to believe?
For the past few days when I wake up I hear someone breathing like connected to a machine in the room from where I am. When I get there the noise is coming from there but it’s not there. My mom was breathing with oxygen mask the last few days she was alive. Is it that I’m supposed to hear? Maybe she or God wants to give me the opportunity to see what she was going through?
My mother couldn’t see, but my family often spoke loud she was going to die. Tears rolled down her face, so I hear from people who loved her to their souls. One day God will make them hear worse in a worse a situation. They will see how that feels. They often told her I was coming and if she wanted to see me. She would say yes, but the last thing she said was, “I’m not going to see him.” And so it was.
Today June 15, 2009, as I took a shower my father was at work and I was alone and door shut, I heard a few noises in among the ventilation noise of the bathroom’s ceiling. The shower was feeling relaxing but snapping noises was filling the corridor. I heard like someone saying something in the living room. The TV was on but not loud enough to hear it. That voice was distinct. I took a deep breath and walked naked to the window and looked at the gate which was still locked. When I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich, for my surprise, the front door was opened. I know I literally closed it, but is there something or someone trying to tell me something now? Is my mother still around, or some evil spirit taking advantage of the situation, or perhaps all these things are driving me crazy and I need to move on? Maybe the last two I should believe but I hope to find an answer from God somehow. He knows something I don’t.

My mother died and senseless family around

My mother died but family more concerned with anything else.
It is now two weeks since my mother died. I flew from New York to Spain, Madrid only to wait five long hours for the next shuttle plane to Oporto, Portugal. My father sent me $1300 to get an emergency flight to Portugal to see my mother who was dying of an evil spread of tumor roots. Even though she took all tests and treatments the doctors hid from my mother and only told my uncles and aunts she wouldn’t live more than a year or perhaps a little longer. A year ago I traveled back to see her and find her in great health and happiness. We all thought she would make it. We were all in prayers and the pastors with the congregation, but God, I guess he had other plans for her. Ever since she gave her life to God she has been wanting to go to heaven. But she had lots of dreams and had a great desire to live. She fulfilled most of her dreams including buying the brand new car my father now drives and getting her retirement, which was really large to live happy the rest of her life. She’s worked all her entire life to get her benefits and she was unable to enjoy it.
I don’t know if God has a greater reward of her sacrifice in life but I do believe she’ll be fine.
I received the call from my brother in Spain still expecting at least to look into her eyes and tell her how much I loved her. He said “Do you already know?”
“I know what?” My heart already knew she was gone.
“Mom died.”
I froze entirely. My tears rolled over my face. I looked at the cloudy sky at the airport imagining my mom might be in there somewhere.
When I arrived in Portugal and saw my mother already in a casket all yellow and still I exploded in tears hold on to my father. My aunts cried along with me just before I had the strength to kiss everyone. I was angry at everything, at myself for not being there all the time, for her being so yellow because of the medicine she had to take and the crucifix they put in the hands of my mother – something she hated in life when she learned the truth about being a Christian. My father was angry too but we were helpless to have them remove any catholic rituals. We didn’t want to create any conflicts. They wanted to be respected but didn’t want t respect our ideals nevertheless my mom’s, just because she was being buried with my grandmother in her grave of the Catholic Church. Not even a priest had the time to attend the mass but then he resolved to help the helpless family. He was so much in a hurry he did it mechanically. What was the point? My aunt asked if I like the mass, what I thought about it. “It was . . . interesting!” I said.
It was the greatest shock of my life. It impacted me to see my mother being lowered to the grave and banged fit into a hole right under the ground.
Her sisters screamed of pain and everyone started to cry. But even then, my uncles started to talk with the cemetery men who were burying my mother how the grave needed to be fixed and enlarged. They needed to put walls further back. The casket was still being lowered manually and earth was being thrown on top of it and they were talking about reconstruction!! They could wait until all was done. I wanted to tell them to shut the f..k up really loud! People without respect and no feelings. When they die, I’m gonna talk about reconstruction too! They even had to talk about hole in the ground. It was going to rain that day and water was going to fall inside the grave. What to say about this. What a horrible day in all senses. I cried all night looking at my mother pictures.
I love you mom!